Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
