I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I supernannyed him into submission
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
