seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
