I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
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