It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
