Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
