I feel like abortions should bother me more
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
