how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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