Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(516): View more from New York

I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"

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(806): View more from Texas

apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom

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(870): View more from Arkansas

I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..

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(778): View more from British Columbia

so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..

(250): View more from British Columbia

i'll start checking the bushes on campus.

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(916): View more from California

let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.

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(778): View more from British Columbia

He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.

(763): View more from Minnesota

like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo

(612): View more from Minnesota

Wat

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.

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