This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
