I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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