Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Randomize