Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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