I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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