it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
