The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
