Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
