If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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