I love black thongs
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
