she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
