What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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