I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Randomize
