I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
