4 words: hood of his car
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
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Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
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Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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