I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
