Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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