Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
