I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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