Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
