Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
