oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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