as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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