I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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