My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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