Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
