I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
