You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
