i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
