ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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