you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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