it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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