I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
