We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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