Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
