can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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