someone get that fucking seahorse.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
