If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
