No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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