If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I need a burrito and a hug.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
