I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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