i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
