I faked an abortion last night.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
