those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
