I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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