What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
