if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
