Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
