Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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