while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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