The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
