Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
