you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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