dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
