when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
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