Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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