I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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