I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
