you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
