Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
