I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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