On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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