what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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