Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Randomize
