alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
