I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I need to calm my uterus...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
