So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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