dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
