THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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