Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
